i haven’t mused for quite some time. i’ve neglected writing for far too long. i suppose it’s because i’ve been musing verbally lately as i tend to do since i’m a verbal processor. and it’s all too often that i neglect to take the time (and energy) to write. blast. so for those of you outside of my immediate periphery, i’m sorry for being disconnected. i feel terribly about it, and it’s my goal that we reconnect in the interwebs in the coming months because it’s fun and i’ve miss it. and i enjoy our conversations.
where shall i wander today?
well, that first thing that came to mind was RAIN. perhaps because it’s been raining quite a bit here in so cal, and well, it’s totally been cramping my so cal lifestyle of beach outings, len-flares, and not-so-pasty-white skin. i’m more of a summer kind of guy. it feels so much lighter and playful and brings me back to the vernal months in my hometown where lake days are frequent and homemade ice cream aplenty. so this whole winter/rain thing is only making me pine for the summertime all the more. and yet, i realize there is something interesting to be had here. in the rain. something uncomfortable yet alluring and intriguing. there’s something to be learned.
some people love the idea of being caught in the rain. me? not so much. i’m not the type to enjoy being ill-prepared. in fact, it’s something that i’ve come to loathe quite vehemently. it’s that feeling where the teacher asks you to summarize the chapter you didn’t read. or when someone shows up at your doorstep for a lunch date, and you’ve just rolled out of bed because you’ve totally forgotten. or when you show up to shoot something you’ve never shot before and realize you’re in WAY over your head. i hate that feeling. it makes me feel stupid and silly and just plain sloppy when i’m not prepared.
perhaps it’s the j-ness in me. i like to plan ahead, strategize, anticipate, forecast, arrive early, work and then play. i like everything tidy and clean and organized. i have a mini-breakdown every time things get too untidy and and get all sorts of monica on it. it’s just how i am. i think my mother has something to do with that. she’s very much the same way. and when i was a kid i hated it, and now i’m quite fond of that quality in her. she always used to make me do my homework first, and then i could play my donkey-kong country or build my model car. (i know, i was just that cool). but it was always work first, so i could play later and not have to have it hanging over your head. and we kept a clean house which meant weekly chores and picking up after ourselves as we went about our day. so if someone were to stop, the house was presentable. annoying when you’re a kid, but genius in adulthood. seriously.
it stuck. well mostly anyway. yet for some odd reason, i protested that last year and found myself trying to get my “p” on. (if you don’t get the letter jokes, google myers briggs and get in the know. haha). and for those of you who know me well, you’ll likely chuckle at the thought of me being all free-flowing, laid-back, un-planned, last-minute. well, it happened. and as you can imagine it didn’t fair so well…i.e. double bookings, an overflowing inbox, stress hair (a phrase coined by sara truppo) and an overwhelming sense of i-need-my-planner-back-ness. i think it’s because i went too far to the other end of the spectrum and abandoned structures that helped me navigate life in a more balanced and centered way. but boy did i learn a ton about myself and how to set my life (and business) up in a way that actually works for me.
while i liked the spontaneity and freedom this approach afforded me, at times i actually felt more stressed and overwhelmed because of my lack of planning and structure. it’s like i was yearning for the comfort of my to-do list, my plan, my routine. and the stability therein. yet i was so afraid of becoming that person again–the crazed, overbooked, stress-hair jeff that i was in college. i knew i didn’t want to feel stressed and overwhelmed. i hate that feeling. and what i discovered is that what i thought was constricting was actually freeing. my j-ness helped add order and structure to my life which in turn minimized my stress and ultimately gave me more freedom. so now i’m embracing my j-side and i’ve now found myself somewhere in the middle. structure + spontaneity, schedules + free time, routine + change-it-up-ness. now this is a life that works for me–one where i’m never too busy or stressed to stop and enjoy life, to soak up some sun, to drive to the middle of nowhere to see a friend’s show, to eat cheese and watch friends with isaac or to laugh with larissa and liane. and i’m seeking to live this approach more fully this year. you could say it’s a life-goal for 2011. no more stress hair! and maybe, just maybe, i’ll let myself get caught in the rain. feel free to slap me around if i start to revert to my old ways as i tend to do when i’m left alone for too long.haha.
now before i run off to complete more of this week’s to-do list, i wanted to share with you the video of when i did away with the stress hair because well it’s funny and fitting. enjoy.
okay that’s enough musing for now…take care now, bye-bye then.