dichotomy.

There’s something about all this newness that has me all sorts of introspective, terribly observant, and really quite emotional. It’s odd. The stark comparisons to what was and now what is have been a bit shocking and often send me spiraling into a sea of feelings of loss, sadness, fear…almost as if I wish all was back as it was a year ago when life was chocked full of beautiful sunshine and rainbows. And yet, those moments pass quite quickly, and I’m reminded of the realities of why I’m here and why what was is no longer. It’s a hard reality to face. And yet on another level, it’s quite exciting because it means there’s a whole host of new-ness that lies ahead. New memories to be made, new eats to be eaten, new friends to befriend, new hikes to hike. It’s quite fun really, and in the newness, there’s a sweetness, a freshness, an allure that has me coming back for more, and more, and more. It’s quite exciting really and I’m loving it for the most part. And yet, I still crave some level of routine, familiarity, safety & security. I’m afraid the reality is that establishing all that takes time, trial and error, and that process–as alluring and exciting it is on one hand–is arduous and painful on the other. It’s a world of dichotomy my friends, of ups and downs and of woo-hoos and wah-wahs. Such is life. And so, onward I go…let’s see how it changes me and who I become in the process…

  • Sonja - Oh, dear friend. What an honest portrait of your inner life right now. Your prose reminds me of a beautiful poem that came into my life in my own first solitary transition from place to place. I find it terribly relevant to your life today. -Sonja

    “After divorce”

    by Lucy Shaw

    for Lanny

    The in-between is hard,
    the mid-air, the limbo
    between bank
    and bank,
    the long leap (legs
    flailing, body un-
    grounded, askew in space)
    the scare
    of alien air,
    the interval of being
    in no place,
    having no where.

    With love left behind,
    and uncertain landing waits.
    Suspended,
    mind
    anticipates,
    feels the fall–feet first
    on firm sod, or (up-ended,
    unbalanced, off-guard)
    slipping on a cruel
    gravel. Yes.
    It is the in-between
    that is hard.ReplyCancel

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